Review – Joe Snyder Neon Pride Frame Bikini

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File under B… for bedroom.

Joe Snyder is not something I would typically use as everyday underwear.  It might just be mental barrier I haven’t broken yet, but I associate underwear like this exclusively with doing the grown-up behind closed doors.  The only pairs of JS that I’ve ever owned were for that express purpose.

These reviews we generate are based on a uniform set of evaluation criteria, which incorporates a full day’s test drive.  Well, I tried it. For reasons I’ll go into later, I don’t know that my results will really offer you an apples-to-apples comparison to other pairs of underwear.  But honestly 90% of this is subjective anyway.  So here goes.

First the facts: Made in Mexico.  80% polyamide/20% spandex.  Excellent construction quality.  The cut is definitely on the skimpier side, probably the skimpiest thing I’ve ever worn.  If you’re like me this is probably right on that edge between ‘skimpy-flattering and ‘skimpy-non-flattering.’ Maybe this is a hint that Mexico thinks we should exercise more.  Or maybe they want us to stop sending them McDonalds.

In the right context the pride frame bikini is f***ing hot.  I read nothing into the word ‘pride’ and simply took it at face value.  Pride as in be proud of your junk.  Because if you wear these your junk is going to be the only thing people see.  Through some clever pouch design and accent stitching JS has found a way to make that part of your body seem twice normal size.  The exterior contrast stitching does this ‘swoopie’ thing where it comes down from both sides and wraps around underneath, creating a ‘genital shelf’ if you will.  But unlike the Cocksox pair that I wrote about earlier in the month, the pouch does not force you into the ‘tent-pole’ configuration.  For me, that is a huge bonus, since I’m not a fan of the tent-pole.

The normal review criteria we look at include things like “daily fit” and “daily performance.”  I might have a hard time rating these because I didn’t wear these over the course of a full day.  I wore them for the same amount of accrued time, but broken up into smaller pieces.  Mainly because… well, I didn’t want to have an enormous bulge at work that day.

What I can say is that, due to the materials and cut, there is positively no creepage of any kind on this pair.  I would compare it to wearing a speedo under your clothes.  One that is as supportive, softer, and waaaaay skimpier.  If it was still 1987, Cher could use this pair as part of her tour wardrobe.

If I could turn back toooooommeeee…. (yes, I said tome)

Joking aside, if you choose to wear this as daily underwear I don’t think you’ll have any complaints about comfort or creepage.  But be mindful that the only thing separating the world from the male-stripper version of yourself is a single layer of pant material.  If you have the mental agility to balance these two sides of your persona and keep it under control in public then more power to you.  Guys like me have no choice but to relegate this to the bedroom only.

To sum things up:

Pros

  • You will turn into a sex machine in the bedroom

Cons

  • You will turn into a sex machine anywhere you happen to be

Ratings

  • Daily Fit         7*
  • Sizing         8
  • Construction/Materials         9
  • Styling         9*
  • Daily Performance         7*
  • Overall         8

*please take this with a grain of salt.  I can’t wear these for a full day, so your score will probably differ greatly from mine.

Joe Snyder furnished this pair for review.